And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12-2

Making the decision to actively follow Christ was the best decision of my life. I have tasted the goodness of Christ and trusting in the promises he has for us. But the walk is far from easy, in fact it is one of the most difficult things I have had to do in my life. Prior to me fully accepting the teachings of Christ there was a lot of ideologies and ways of thinking I had to be willing to let go.

I was an avid marijuana smoker for 18 years and I vividly remember telling my friends I will never stop smoking because I did not see the harm in it. I was an avid porn watcher, with no intentions of ceasing that activity because of my ignorance to the effects it was having on my body. Not only that I was struggling with anxiety, depression and envy. I also had trouble focusing and I even was considering getting medical help in the form of pharmaceuticals to help me deal with what I was going through. On top of all this I believed in a lot of new age spirituality. In Zodiacs, Horoscopes, Sage, etc. I spent a lot of time reading those type of books and despite growing up with the bible in my face my entire life I never took the time to read it. I just thought it was this boring outdated book and that many of the people who followed it were brainwashed. I still believed in a God and I also believe in the concept of Jesus, but I also believed things in multiple other religions. I believed that there was a bit of truth in everything so I thought by keeping an open mind to everything. So my actions did not matter because I thought life was about doing what makes you happy as long as you treat others with respect. Feel into that idea that I was a “good” person because I tolerated everyone and was ok with everybody making there own choices. And even championing certain sins like sexual promiscuity.

Being married, pushed me to begin to walk in my purpose. We were beginning to have issues within the marriage. I began to feel very angry and closed off to my wife. Thoughts began to creep in my mind like “wow did I make a mistake, I know there is more out there for me etc.” I would use marijuana to escape and spend hours scrolling mindless on social media all because I wanted to just be in my own world. (I am writing a blog post more in depths about why marriages are attacked.) I also found myself becoming envious of some of my friends who were sleeping with whoever they wanted and seemed like they were living life to the fullest. I am thankful I had Christian friends who were married as well, I confided in my friends and they directed me to the word. At first I got bitter to that suggestion because it seemed like that is the default answer for most Christians and I would think that all my issues could not possibly be solve by Jesus alone. So I hardened my heart in the beginning but it wasn’t until I saw this video about some ones testimony and it spoke to me. I realized that my whole life I never opened up the bible and truly read it. I was always reading books outside of the bible but I could not tell you 5 verses out the bible. I would even read books that were not in the bible because I was so adamant that the bible was a tool to control us. But the video inspired along with my friends help me get back into the word for real.

Reading the Bible and actually taking the time to understand it was transformative to say the least. There was definitely a spark that happened within me (the holy spirit). I quickly began to realize that I had been falling short as a man and the purpose for me as a man in my marriage. The bible was full of so much wisdom and allowed me to see that I was in a spiritual warfare. And my marriage was under attack! Along with my peace and joy. The enemy was after what God promises us all when we follow him.

I felt the need to make a change immediately. I threw away all my paraphernalia, deleted all my apps that would tempt me and unfollowed every woman that was showing they goods. I found delight in the word. And the best part is that I did not feel like I had to do these things but rather I wanted to stop. I did not feel controlled I felt moved. And I found delight in the word of God, things that once felt like a chore became something I looked forward to.

By me operating in the my designed purpose I quicky saw the changes in my marriage. I became more understanding, and had more patience. Had more peace about everything. Now looking back I can see how much under attack I was in. I needed a savior and Jesus was there and never left me. Now whenever I feel any type of disappointment I think about how patient God has been with me. How I turned my back on God and he still showed grace and mercy towards me even though I did not deserve it. I thank God that I even went through those moments because now I have a better understanding and appreciation of the grace that God has given me.

The walk is still very difficult but now that I understand the power in God’s wisdom I am more equipped to handle any circumstance that comes my way. That I am not in this alone and that God is in control and all times. I recognize how much I need Jesus in my life and his wisdom and provision and that everything else will fall short and is temporary compared to the gifts God can give. Transformation happens when you submit to God and realize that you can not operate without him. You take a step towards God he will always lead you where you need to be.